Sick.

Okay boys and girls. It's time for me to talk about some things that have been bothering me all day. I don't usually rant or even express things that deeply bother me because I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but suppressing the truth can get tiring really quickly, don't you think? I've been so irritated and disgusted today that I've started to feel physically sick over it.

Today I wore a leather bomber jacket with a fuzzy collar, aviator glasses, black boots, and an Octopus Project T-shirt. I had my hair pulled back in a slick ponytail. My makeup looked immaculate and pretty with bright pink lipgloss to top it all off. One would suppose that by "normal" societal standards I should have felt cool wearing those clothes, but I didn't feel cool at all. I felt like a tool bag.What is the point of fashion? Fashion is a tool used by the media to tell you who you are. It is a means to show that you are socially aware, or in some cases socially above others. Sometimes I try so hard to describe the depth of who I am by the style of clothes I wear. Sometimes when I try to dress cool, I feel like I need people to understand that I really know how life is, that I really am "with it". The fact that I am in touch with reality and societal rules should be easily conveyed through the fact that I'm wearing hip aviator sunglasses, right?
But really, all that stuff is meaningless trash. I'm not meant to have the "best" taste in clothes, music, movies, or even food, because all of the best and most refined things of the world look like dirty rags compared to knowing Jesus. So many things of this world seem beautiful and high-quality to me because I've been conned into believing they are beautiful and valuable, but really they're just trash and lies.

If you're disgusted by everything you hear on the radio/tv, it's because you as a human being were meant for something so much more than what the media wants you to think you're meant for. We as humans were meant to know God through Jesus Christ. We are just wandering around and have no idea who we are or where we're going in life. The media and the powers of this world will take advantage of that and try to tell you who you are by selling you the right clothes, car, makeup, tv, etc. etc. But that's not who I am and that's not who you are, really. We were meant to find our true identity in Jesus, and there's no way you are ever gonna have the slightest notion of who you are or what direction you're going in until you seek Jesus first. The media will tell you anything you want to hear, just so long as you keep buying their crap and fueling the system of the world that revolves around money, power, and draining you of your humanity.

Almost every human being would agree with me that we're more than these stupid brand names and labels. That's a given. But the thing that most people aren't gonna agree with and probably think I'm an idiot for is this: I believe the truth is being suppressed, the truth that Jesus is God and everything about us was made to know Him. If you don't see how the media societal norms have anything to do with spirituality, just think about it. Life is not about being cool enough, and it's not about making up your own philosophies about why you think you're here. People don't like to hear that Jesus is God because it disrupts their life; they don't want to have to make a decision about something so big as that; something that might mess their whole life plan up and cause a shift from living for themselves to living for God. Either Jesus is who he said he was and he is God, or he wasn't and he's not God. It's that simple, don't be fooled.

Entry 1

Ever since I was about 6, I've been keeping journals. I write..a lot. I write as much as two or three short entries some days, but other days I don't write at all. So, as much as I write my thoughts, I figured I would share some of them with whoever wants to read them. I'm fascinated by writing. I understand that some people write for artistic reasons, but that's not what I'm interested in here. I'm just intrigued by the way we are able to document and record our lives in writing. Also, you should know that I'm not a smooth talker. I stutter every now and then and often lose my train of thought in simple day-to-day conversations. That doesn't happen when I write. When I write, I'm free to take as much time as I need to express my thoughts clearly; I'm not caught off guard or put on the spot (which I hate!).

So that's the reason why I've started this. Now, what to write about? Well, my personal journal is filled with prayers, lamentations, praises, and general crying out to God. My life is about following Christ and I don't want to tiptoe around that, because everything that I am is His. When I write in my most personal journal, I don't put everything in a logical context because I don't write it with the general public in mind. I will probably write this blog the same way I write in my most personal journals, but for the general public's sake I will put everything into the context of what's going on in my life.

Have a good day :)